i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
