So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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