Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The power of my boobs compel you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
