Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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