I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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