we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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