The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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