there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You need a sexual gate keeper
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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