TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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