The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
