Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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