It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
