Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize