That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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