it was like eating out sand paper
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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