i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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