he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize