You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
