I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
