We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
