Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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