hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize