well I can't set my house on fire every night
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
