i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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