I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
