Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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