He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
