That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bring money and cleavage
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Alive.
So much puke
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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