You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
