"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
