I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ttyl tear gas
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
