Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
