sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
