There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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