He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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