i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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