eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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