i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
