You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
