i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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