Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
