On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
