No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
