We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize