I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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