I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize