Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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