The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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