take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
