never play flip cup with pint glasses
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
