Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
