A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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