Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
