I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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