She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
