Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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