I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize