# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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