He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
