im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
