so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
