My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You're like the curious george of whores
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
