hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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