AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
