The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
