Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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