She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it because I queefed?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
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If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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