Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
