toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
